UP AND DOWN AGAIN

Mom is having some really rough days. This is the week she and dad would have been married 66 years and the first anniversary since his death in August. She is really having a hard time expressing her grief. She simply cries a lot. I have not shed tears in front of mom but often am thankful for the 9 mile drive home....than I shed my tears.

She also is very impatient to get out of there. I sure do understand that. Her balance is still bad and they have to see improvement in that for her to come home. Her blood pressure is all over the place and that has to be stable.

This is how yesterday went.....I called her after I ran some errands (looking for a dresser for her and still have not found one) to ask if she had eaten her lunch. She had not and wanted meat loaf. I stopped to get her that and mashed potatoes, green beans, ice cream sandwich and Root Beer.
But she forgot she wanted that and in the mean time asked for ice cream there. She ate about 3 bites and said she was full.

Than she said "let's go". I asked where were we going and she said to the beauty shop. I showed her the note I had on the bulletin board saying she would be going Monday afternoon for a perm.
She informed me it was Monday. When she saw it was not she threw something across the room and went to crying. The nurse came in to giver her pills. Mom stopped and took them. She had told me her blood pressure was 516 and they had fits during the night. I asked the nurse what it had been and it was over 200. That upset mom because she read the machine and it said 516 and she told us we were all against her and cried again. I told the nurse her hair could not be done until Monday but she called and said it was a must mom got it cut and washed now. So they came down for her and will do the perm Monday. As she left I reminded her I would not be in today and she would be here on Friday for a visit.

I cleaned up her room because she had packed to come home. I looked at her journal which has gone from 20+ sentences to hardly 3. She wrote John and I were in Texas on the 2ND of this month. Last week we were in NC according to her and there all week. The last entry said, "I am mixed up...I can't write anymore." That brought me to tears. Of course we were in neither place.

I called her last night to say good night and she said she was coming home for good today. I decided not to say anything back but that I loved her. She cut it all short because the nurse was getting her a mom and water and she was going to wash her walls and floor.

This morning I got a call that they were concerned about her mental state. Increasing meds may make her more problems with her balance.

I am not sure what to think....is the place driving her into this state? Is the Lewy Bodies Dementia simply taking it toll? Or is is a combination of the two? I do not know but I know my heart is broken. How I long to talk to dad.....I find myself wanting to talk to grandma...(her mom) and asking for advice. I find that I miss the 2 of them so much these weeks. Time does heal but it cannot completely heal that hole in your heart that longs to be able to talk with them.

John still has a lot to do for tomorrow. He is making a walkway in the back for her to come into the house. Her room needs one more coat of paint so I can get it set up......so this will be a late night again. Maybe an all night job.....I hope not. I told him this week-end we are going to rest and explore and he agrees that is what he needs.

The one job he wanted has been filled. We were so disappointed but know the Lord has the right job for him. He was over qualified they said.

PRAY:
We can work in a constructive way today.
John has injured his shoulder again and is in pain.
Mom will calm down.
That I will have the wisdom to deal with this, the strength and be able to be firm.

PRAISE:
Nature we both so enjoy here.
Love of friends and family with the cards and calls and yes, the care packages.
We seem to have a sane mind......