UP AND DOWN AGAIN

Mom is having some really rough days. This is the week she and dad would have been married 66 years and the first anniversary since his death in August. She is really having a hard time expressing her grief. She simply cries a lot. I have not shed tears in front of mom but often am thankful for the 9 mile drive home....than I shed my tears.

She also is very impatient to get out of there. I sure do understand that. Her balance is still bad and they have to see improvement in that for her to come home. Her blood pressure is all over the place and that has to be stable.

This is how yesterday went.....I called her after I ran some errands (looking for a dresser for her and still have not found one) to ask if she had eaten her lunch. She had not and wanted meat loaf. I stopped to get her that and mashed potatoes, green beans, ice cream sandwich and Root Beer.
But she forgot she wanted that and in the mean time asked for ice cream there. She ate about 3 bites and said she was full.

Than she said "let's go". I asked where were we going and she said to the beauty shop. I showed her the note I had on the bulletin board saying she would be going Monday afternoon for a perm.
She informed me it was Monday. When she saw it was not she threw something across the room and went to crying. The nurse came in to giver her pills. Mom stopped and took them. She had told me her blood pressure was 516 and they had fits during the night. I asked the nurse what it had been and it was over 200. That upset mom because she read the machine and it said 516 and she told us we were all against her and cried again. I told the nurse her hair could not be done until Monday but she called and said it was a must mom got it cut and washed now. So they came down for her and will do the perm Monday. As she left I reminded her I would not be in today and she would be here on Friday for a visit.

I cleaned up her room because she had packed to come home. I looked at her journal which has gone from 20+ sentences to hardly 3. She wrote John and I were in Texas on the 2ND of this month. Last week we were in NC according to her and there all week. The last entry said, "I am mixed up...I can't write anymore." That brought me to tears. Of course we were in neither place.

I called her last night to say good night and she said she was coming home for good today. I decided not to say anything back but that I loved her. She cut it all short because the nurse was getting her a mom and water and she was going to wash her walls and floor.

This morning I got a call that they were concerned about her mental state. Increasing meds may make her more problems with her balance.

I am not sure what to think....is the place driving her into this state? Is the Lewy Bodies Dementia simply taking it toll? Or is is a combination of the two? I do not know but I know my heart is broken. How I long to talk to dad.....I find myself wanting to talk to grandma...(her mom) and asking for advice. I find that I miss the 2 of them so much these weeks. Time does heal but it cannot completely heal that hole in your heart that longs to be able to talk with them.

John still has a lot to do for tomorrow. He is making a walkway in the back for her to come into the house. Her room needs one more coat of paint so I can get it set up......so this will be a late night again. Maybe an all night job.....I hope not. I told him this week-end we are going to rest and explore and he agrees that is what he needs.

The one job he wanted has been filled. We were so disappointed but know the Lord has the right job for him. He was over qualified they said.

PRAY:
We can work in a constructive way today.
John has injured his shoulder again and is in pain.
Mom will calm down.
That I will have the wisdom to deal with this, the strength and be able to be firm.

PRAISE:
Nature we both so enjoy here.
Love of friends and family with the cards and calls and yes, the care packages.
We seem to have a sane mind......

MOM IS FEELING SICK

This is the front of our home. John will have lots of fun with these flowerbeds! He already is planning what to do.

We visited mom yesterday. She was not having a good day at all. Some of the problems are due to an consistant upset stomach. She also had blood pressure problems. Those things seemed to get her "down in the dumps". I encouraged her to lay down and that seemed to help. She did pick up when I dialed Uncle Harold on the cell phone. She napped while I sewed and than Mary Zook came in for a visit. She almost comes daily and mom enjoys her. I guess I was there about 3 hours while John shopped for paint and lumber. He brought Sparky in and as usual mom loved that visit and enjoyed him laying at her feet.

My cousin Dave Shearer and Drew stopped by for a bit before they did some night snow skiing here at the resort. That was a treat for both of us.

Today mom has a cold and her blood pressure is even higher. It is over 220 but was coming down a bit. I felt she needed rest and no visits and so we are working here at the house. We took a drive because it is such a beautiful day.

I just called mom's nurse and her blood pressure is still a bit of a problem. They have increased the meds 2 times and she said it seems to be holding its own. But the doctor wants to see what may be making it go up. I think if they give her anti-anxiety meds again they will see it go back down. She is in a state of mind and thinks they are keeping her there forever. The sore throat is going around there so they will be checking on that because she had not told them about it.

I guess it is time for super....I will be making Tilapia fish fried in panko crumbs and crab cakes, sweet potato fries and a vegetable. I am enjoying cooking again.

PRAY:
Mom dos not get this cold bug
Her blood pressure goes down
She will be able to come and see the house on Friday with the caseworker.
Job for John

PRAISE:
Friends and family and their prayers.
I am feeling better
Nature all around me!

I THINK I WILL MAKE IT!

I took these 2 pictures from our bedroom window. It is so peaceful to look out and see nature all around us. I always had a dream of having a cabin in the woods....God is so good!

The move was a very hard one. We left here Tuesday. It was a good trip back to Georgia. But we had to get right to work. We gave ourselves 2 days to pack up all our stuff. Our friend there did hire 2 men for us to help pack and load. It was work from sun-up until way into the night. I will tell you this...it was like Heaven to get into our Comfort Sleep Number Bed after over a month in a hotel and that hard bed!

I did find time to have lunch with Crystal. It was so good to see her again. I will miss her so much! The hardest part of this move is leaving the kids all in Georgia. As a mother I want to be close to them and watch the grand kids grow. I dread to think they may forget me.....

We were packed up by Thursday around midnight and John decided he wanted to pull out that night and drive until he was too tired. We were all hitched up to the auto transport by 2AM and left. John decided he was going to drive straight through since the truck was so large and we had the transport. We knew the mountains we had to cross were expecting high winds late Friday.

I confess I did sleep a lot and felt worse and worse. We arrived here in Harrisonburg about 3 in the afternoon and came out to the house to leave the truck and unload the car.

Friday night it was evident I was fighting some ugly bug and on Sat. morning I did not want to budge. I came along to the house but did very little with the fever I had. My cousin Beth has such fine sons and they worked hard to get us unloaded. Drew came back the next day to help John get our 2 huge sofas into the house and they did it! Their help was so appreciated!

It is a peaceful and wonderful house and as soon as we get some serious work done I will post pictures. If I had to be sick than I am glad it is here. I can look out and simply relax.

I have gotten the kitchen unpacked and all the antique dishes in their places. The bedroom is 3/4 done. For me this is so slow. But I cannot get over this cough and I am so wiped out. I know my immune system was down with all the stress. I have mom on my mind, made a major move and know life will not be the same when she comes home.

I have only seen her once this week. John has taken my place. I did not want to get her sick nor did I want to get the stomach flu that is going around the home. We are going in this evening to see her and have a nice supper at Outback. A dear friend send us a gift card and tonight I finally feel like I can enjoy it.

Mom is trying hard and is walking. She wants to get out of there really bad. The confusion is bad at times. Earlier this week she was the best we had seen her since surgery. But yesterday and today on the phone she was agitated and confused. She complains of workman working outside her room in the courtyard all night or children playing out there all night. Of course neither is happening at all. She also felt they were throwing things at the TV screen the last part of the night. I have found it is useless to try to explain those things are not real. She knows she is confused at times and that causes her great pain. Those times I leave and have a good cry.

Friday a week we will have a home visit for them to see if the place is ready for mom. We have to paint her room. John has to build a walkway for her to come around to the back where he can make a ramp for her to come into the house. Her bathroom needs painting and made ready for her also. Today John bought her a adjustable bed. (not an hospital bed) As I am writing this he is buying the paint and lumber for the projects.

PRAY:

Mom continues to try.

Her new UTI will be gone.

Her stomach stays upset and so she does not eat. She did not eat any lunch today except for pudding. The drinking still is not happening.

My fears will cease. As many of you know mom and I have had a rocky road. We love each other but are so different and at times it scares me. But I know this is what am to do and John and I want to give her a home.

A job for John.

PRAISE:

We have a house and it is becoming a home.

Safety in all our travels.

Nature all around us!

Our update

We now have a home in Massanutten, Virginia. It is 10 miles out of Harrisonburg.
It is in the Massanutten Ski Resort. It is a lovely 3 bedroom brick Cape Cod home.
Mom will have a bath and bedroom downstairs. There is a cute kitchen and dinning room, a big livingroom, and a family room downstairs. Upstairs is 2 large bedrooms and a big bathroom.. I feel I can make the steps for bed and keep it to a mimium during the day.

I can see the mountains when the leaves are off the trees from the living room window.But on the drive down to the main road I sure can see mountain ranges. I love it! Now you all can come and there is lots to do.....golf, winter sking, trails, swimming pools, an indoor water park.....to name a few.
http://www.massresort.com/

I will send pictures when we come back. We are leaving tomorrow for LaGrange. We pick up the truck on Wednesday and so have Tuesday to pack and Thursday and we will leave Friday morning for our new home. It will be a hard few days but we must get uo here and paint and get ready for mom in 3-4 weeks. We can do it with your prayers!

Our new address is:
2637 Hopkins Drive
Massanutten, Va.
22840

I will be checking the mail in LaGrange and we will have the cable on Monday the 16th.
Anybody want to help unload on Sat......Valentines Day?

Drew is going to help unload and his brother.....we are going to pay them what we would have to pay a U-Haul plan of men to help unload...we are so happy about this.


Mom is doing just OK. She has had many confussed times and it is hard for them to work with her at times. She will begin putting all her weight on that hip this Friday. They hope she will respond to that well.

She still is hardly eating....they say she eats 23% of a meal and just does not drink. So pray a miracle will happen. They figure 3-4 weeks before she can come home...we have a lot to do before that.

Again pray for our safety traveling and packing. Right now I am exhausted but know the Lord can give me strength.
Love to all!

Trouble again!

Mom has another UTI and was really mixed up yesterday. I will talk to the doctor today and update you all on this.

It took us all day to get her to give them a urine sample. She is just not drinking! I had to play hard ball with her yesterday but was crying inside. I told her she will not be able to come home with us (wherever that may be) if she has kidney failure. She than asked could she be with dad. The tears flowed fast for me than.

John had a good interview yesterday at a retirement home . He would like this job so I ask you all to be in prayer for him and the job.

I so need to settle down....this room is getting to me big time.

Yesterday a friend sent me a care package of felt and all those goodies. I was so blessed. I am so low on supplies...but this helped.

Thanks Uncle Harold and Aunt Irene for the mail.....Aunt Irene I still need a picture of you to add to the scrapbook...one of you and Uncle Harold would be great. I have the one of Uncle Bob's on the wall for her and would add the two of you there along with one of her and dad.

I need to run.
Love to all

Pray:
The kidneys are not failing
mom can rest.
Job and home for us to set up ad bring mom to.

Praise:
The beauty around me!
Life
A clear mind...never take this for granted!

Would You Eat This?

Mom would not...she ate a bit of the crab cake....one of the 5 fries, none of the oatmeal bread with garlic butter and a bite of the pie. She did not touch the drinks. (One is a protein shake and Vit water is the other.)

Wednesday

This is a scene behind the hotel on a country road. I just love this snow!

Yesterday was a trip.....I walked into the VMRC and the therapist stopped me. Mom fell asleep walking and in all the other exercises so she took mom back to the bed. She said mom had not eaten anything from her tray for breakfast either.

As I passes the nurses station they stopped me to tell me she had not eaten lunch either and something had to be done. So "I pulled up my big girl panties" and marched into her room. I had trouble waking her up too. I decided to get to the point and told her I "WAS" going to get her something to eat and she had no say about it. She tried to tell me no but I had selective hearing. Finally she decided she could eat a bit of a Subway Italian sub....so off I went and had them cut the 6 inch into thirds and stopped at the fridge at VMRC and got her a little can of Ginger Ale.

She took the smallest 1/3 of the sub and I would not let her stop until she had it all down. She fussed. She had one swallow of the drink and declared it too cold. I was happy she ate a bit but as the nurse reminded me that was not much to keep her going. We chatted a bit but she told me over and over about the kids out in the snow all night in the courtyard and they kept throwing snow at her window. She reported the parents for neglect.....and some more silly stuff. I asked the nurse and she said mom "reported" it all night to the nurses. The hall was very quiet and so it is part of the Lewy Bodies.

There have been time I wondered if she was playing me but a long talk with the doctor made me see she is not capable of that. Her tastes have been altered, her hallucinations are real to her and her ability to eat and know what she needs has been altered. I will accept that. He also had me talk to a specialist on this and it lines up.

I just talked to mom and she says she could not focus on walking again and so has to try again this afternoon. This is not good news as the progress she makes in rehab says how long she can stay under medicare.

I still am struggling at all the unknowns to me at this time...like job, home and mom...but my faith has been strengthened.

Aunt Gladys, thanks for the "care package". It is a real treat. Mom wanted the pretzels and a few cheese puffs. John and I needed that love!

PRAY:
***Mom does rehab

***job and home for us

PRAISE:

***I feel better in my emotions

TUESDAY'S THOUGHTS

I am so thankful for the beautiful snow we had yesterday afternoon and up till midnight. I really was having a rough day and this just seemed to blanket me with peace and comfort. I just loved this picture taken outside of our room. Snow can take a bare bush and make a work of art out of it! I think we will take a drive today.


I have to keep my hands busy....so I did this set for my pin cushion group....They are fun to make and fully jointed. It is all out of felt. I try to do what I can with what I have here. I so miss my stash of fabrics, felt,buttons ect!

I really am on overload! I guess it is a good case of "cabin fever" too. I so need to know we have a home to bring mom home to. But how can one do that without a job? We still have to pay rent in LaGrange.....Mom is asking so many times a day when will we have a house? That pushes me in panic mode. I told John last night I feel like I did when I gave birth....you know the room needs to be right for the baby....the same is true with having mom come Home. I have to make sure all she needs is there. She sold her furniture with the mobile home and so we will need that.

I am really in a panic about a job too. It has been so long it seems since life has been normal for us. I know now that some things did not work out so we would have this time here to make mom comfortable. John did have to do the drug test yesterday and so maybe that means we are closer to a job. Please pray with us for the miracle of a job!

Somehow we must pack LaGrange and have a place to bring it to.....that has me in a fit too. I usually an calm about all this but this time I am stressing.

I know it will fall into place but last night and today I feel like a ball of nerves.

As for mom....she was a mess yesterday. I walked out and chatted with the nurse and asked her if mom was just mixed up with me and she replied, "No honey you do not see the worst". I still marvel that she can get on the phone and make sense. Yesterday they were going to put wood in her knee to keep it from turning in. She wanted me to stop them. I could not reason with her and have learned than it is time to kiss her, pray with her and leave.

The truth of the matter is this...I lost dad in August and I am losing mom a day at a time now. It hurts so much. I have no siblings to share this with and it makes me feel so alone. I long for a sister to just share my fears....needing someone to help me know I can do what I have to do. I don't want to stress John too much about all of this and so I internalize it and that is not good.

Money is a big factor and so we cannot place her anywhere but with us. I also have deep feelings that we need to care for our parents when we can. She loves Sparky and ants us to bring him in at night. She strokes that dog and sometimes I see tears slipping form her eyes. I know what she is thinking...."you miss grandpa too, don't you Sparky". Sometimes she does say that. I am sharing this because Sparky is so gentle with her and she responds to him. One reason I know she would do better at home.

Well, this has been rambling but the best I can do today.....

PRAY:

Mom can rest in peace....not so agitated

Mom's knee will be able to hold her up...it turns in and is a problem when she puts her weight on that hip and leg.

Pray for a job, house and wisdom in moving again.

SUNDAY

It is so hard to update right now…
Mom has a good day and I am pleased but the next she is so mixed up. Like yesterday… I called her 10AM to see if she wanted me to bring anything. She was hot under the collar because it was 10 at night and I had not been there all day. I explained to her it was morning but she had it set in her mind it was not. I went on in and she was still mixed up.
She also was slurring and fell off to sleep in a moment.

I called her again at 2 and asked what she would eat. She said it was late in the night and to eat them would be wrong. So again I went in…the same story. The nurses said all day they had to tell her it was day and the curtains were open and the sun was shining.

I called again at 8 and gave up even reasoning with her….she said it was than 8AM and her breakfast was late. She claimed they had not brought meals all day.

Today was a bit better except that someone was on her roof all night throwing chunks of something at her window. They said she called them about this for a good part of the night. Than she felt there was a party in the hall and they were laughing at her. I asked how many were out there and she said at least a dozen. Than she will answer the phone and talk sense to whoever calls. It baffles them and me too.

Tonight there were voices in me and she was quite upset…I tried to be funny and said sometimes I feel like I hear voices and she got upset…. so I told her I was teasing and than she said she was mad at me. I left that slide…. Let’s see she scrubbed the floor of her room today and the walls. Something’s never change because she is a cleaning machine.

I took her V8 juice tonight and she like it but said it was nasty. Lorraine, I may need to join the Murphy girls…One thing she loved was I found her Bridge mix (chocolate covered peanuts, raisins ect. and she was one happy camper. Ruby, I told her that was from you and Carl. I explained you sent a gift and we were using it for special times. She said thanks.

As for eating she takes 2 bites of things on her plate if any and than wants no more. They feel the doctor will be worried tomorrow.

John is applying at the Massanutten Ski Resort tomorrow
http://www.massresort.com/

We went there last night to see it and were amazed. We watched the skiers on the artificial slopes for a long time. They need a maintenance tech at the resort and he would love that! So keep praying. Thn we took a long drive in the country. I love this area!

Maybe I will have more to report tomorrow.