WE ARE NOT AS STRONG AS WE THINK WE ARE and Dad

Rich Mullins wrote a song called ,

"We Are Not As Strong As We Think We Are"

Well, it took the hand of God Almighty
To part the waters of the sea
But it only took one little lie
To separate you and me
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are

~~
And they say that one day Joshua
Made the sun stand still in the sky
But I can't even keep these thoughts Of you
from passing by
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are
~~

We are frail
We are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking on the fumes of selfish rage
And with these our hells and our heavens
So few inches apart
We must be awfully small
And not as strong as we think we are

And the Master said their faith was
Gonna make them mountains move
But me, I tremble like a hill on a fault line
Just at the thought of how I lost you
Oh, we are not as strong as we think we are

CHORUS

And if you make me laugh well I know
I could make you like me
Cause when I laugh I can be a lot of fun
But we can't do that I know that it is frightening
What I don't know is why we can't hold on
We can't hold on

CHORUS
When you love you walk on the water
Just don't stumble on the waves
We all want to go there somethin' awful
But to stand there it takes some grace
'Cause oh, we are not as strong
As we think we are.
***********************************
Life is like that for me right now......I look strong.....I laugh.....I trust but inside I am not as strong as you think I am.

I see needs meet for each day.....I see John's sleep improve......I watch nature but I do not feel as strong as you think I am.

This week was the anniversary of dad's death and it hit me hard. You know I did rely on his cheerfulness, his strength and his wisdom. I did not always like it but he was walking with the Lord and it lined up with his beliefs.

Pastor Joel Hunter from Northland in Orlando preached today ( we watch it every Sunday morning and wish we were there) and his subject was hypocrites.....
He said we all fit in three areas:
We believe
We are non believers
Or we are make believers.

He fears that number 1 and 3 are not too far apart.....
But with dad that was not true. He believed and he lived it to the fullest!

With a hypocrite it is all about themselves and with a believer it is all about God. Dadused to say this....Aunt Emily taught him this....and me too.

J....Jesus First
O...others next
Y....yourself last.

How true and he lived that. He was one JOY filled man!

He said in closing that the results of being a hypocrite is we do not have intimacy that we desire with God.
We can never love fully or be loved fully.
This spills into our personal lives too. Here is a fact he gave.....Kids learn from what we say but become what they see. I have failed here many times....that I know. You see I know the "Book". I read it over and over but where I fail is I do not always live it.....I may try but I fail. That does not make me a hypocrite but a work in progress......Dad had to learn lessons too but what I saw taught me a lot. He talked too but most of my learning was by his actions....let me share a few.

~He served wherever and when ever the church asked him too.
~He was always content and dealt with mom never being content.....but he never yelled at her but prayed and accepted she would not change.....how do I know that? He wrote to me about it. It was a huge hurt for him but his example was greater than his pain!
~he loved the Mennonite Church and was a loyal Anabaptist. That never wavered!
~He loved his family and so wanted me to have brothers and sisters but not mom and that was another hurt to him. So he helped many a teen when we were in Harrisburg, Pa at the mission, he taught Bible School at Steelton and Harrisburg missions and mentored many. He was an example to so many and after his death I heard from one of those young men from Harrisburg....he says he was a pastor because dad gave him his first Bible and stayed by his side.

I think dad may say to me today if he was here that he was not as strong as I thought he was.
Oh how I miss him! I need his wisdom, compassion and guidance for I feel so weak.

They closed today with this song......it is my desire....

Reign In Us
Starfield

You thought of us before the world began to breathe
And you knew our names before we came to be
You saw the very day we'd fall away from you
And how desperately we need to be redeemed

Lord Jesus come lead us
We're desperate for your touch

[Chorus:]
Oh Great and Mighty One, with one desire we come
That you would reign, that you would reign in us
We're offering up our lives, a living sacrifice
That you would reign, that you would reign in us

Spirit of the Living God fall fresh again
Come search our hearts and purify our lives
We need your perfect love
We need your discipline
We're lost unless you guide us with your light

Lord Jesus come lead us
We're desperate for your touch

[Chorus]
We cry out
For your love to refine us cry out
For your love to define us cry out
For your mercy to keep us blameless until you return
********************************************

We took mom out last night but she was negative about everything. She lives in bitterness.
I told her the day after dad died a year ago and she said she knew it was soon but forgot the day. I tend to think she knew.

Today she slept until 12:30 and asked me to leave her alone. So I will. She said she wants to talk to nobody today. So I will care for her and be quiet. It is wearing on me bad. When she does talk she puts on this cheer but as soon as she is off she will tell me how her life never was what she wanted and how others live perfect....I think not.

John has 2 more weeks before he can have a full report on his health....no meds yet and he needs them to interview. So we wait. That is so hard. His sleep is better and he does feel some energy at times.

Monday we find out of the job he interviewed at 3 times is his. Pray with us this works out if it is in God's plan. We find it hard to ask for help....both of us feel like failures when we must. That weakens me so.

We will hear from a team to guide us this week....pray we are teachable. Being exhausted makes me weak in this area too.

Love each of you~!