Tuesday, June 8, 2010


It is a beautiful day here at Massanutten. This photo John took in Shenandoah National Park. It is called Pitt Spring Run. He has been enjoying getting out to snap pictures. We stayed in the 70's yesterday and it was quite cool last night.
Mom is hanging on in a way. Her desire to go and be with daddy is strong and her focus is on that. She has a birthday coming .....June 18....and she wants to be gone by than. It is depressing to go into her room and know this is what you are going to hear. Now I understand living with your husband for 65 years and him not being with you now must be hard. That I understand.
Last night I was thinking about this and hoping I would never put my kids through this. As I lay there it came to me....I can chose to live each day I have to the fullest. I can and will be grateful for what I do have and those around me that I love. I will do whatever I can to lighten the load of those I meet. I will care for the earth God gave us and continue to enjoy the nature He gave us to enjoy. I will allow His joy to fill my heart.
You may ask why I am sharing this......mom has always held a lot of bitterness and resentment in her heart. Sometimes she can hide it but as this dementia gets worse those feelings are so toxic and strong. I often get very heavy just having to go back that hall to care for her. My cheerfulness upsets her and she will remark why an I happy....I can barely walk she will tell me and I have a sick husband. I tell her that at least I can get around and I love John just as he is and she tells me to go on out......Or she may tell me look at my 2 front teeth that are missing and telling me don't I see nobody cares......and I tell he at least I can still chew my food.....and so that is our sharing time......If I show her pictures of the grand kids she will brighten.
We will be in our old age the worst we are now......The bad points seem to come to the surface.
Mon has stayed in a negative frame of mind and she has become stuck in that frame.
When we look at all the inner clutter that is in our lives, hearts and souls, what do we find? We find resentments.Resentment is a lack of acceptance and a lack of forgiveness. This leads to bitterness and we all know bitterness kills.
I love the story of Joseph. Read this verse.....
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20 (NIV)
You might want to read or re-read his inspiring story from Genesis 30-50. Joseph is a good example of someone who turned the offenses of others against him into good not only for himself but the ones who offended him. Because he found victory over his offenses, he saved a nation and a people.
This quote sums it up for me.....
"The difference between holding on to a hurt or releasing it with forgiveness is like the difference between laying your head down at night on a pillow filled with thorns or a pillow filled with rose petals." (Loren Fincher)
Think about the clutter in your life and with God's help clean it up and enjoy life.....God gives us the gift of life and we need to show others how to grow older with Hid joy and the zest for life....living each day we have with gratitude.
I love my mom but how I wish she would have accepted the Joy of the Lord and let go of the bitterness she has stored up all he life......I will learn from her!