Thursday, May 14, 2009

I hesitate to write this but

I need to be honest. Caregiving has its ups and downs. This is only meant to help someone that may be where I am.

I just talked to mom and she plans in staying in bed all day and wants only chocolate cake for lunch. At this point I am not arguing with her.I pulled up the blinds so she would see how nice it is today.....

I do believe I am over my head!
Like I told you all before....when you do not hear from me I am down.

Mom has become a depressed and very demanding lady. She is not happy and is determined we cannot be either. When she hears us laughing she gets ugly and says there is no need for laughter. When I make her a chocolate cake like she demands that I do not give her enough and she suppose that is because we want to eat it....wrong. John and I have almost cut out desserts. If I am on the phone she says nobody calls her and wishes I would not talk so long. I offer her the phone and she says she will not call anyone because they should be calling her.

If I tell her we are having grilled pork she hates pork and wants me do cook her chipped beef and gravy and biscuits with a vegetable and pudding..... .so I do 2 meals. That is what has ended up....2 meals have to be cooked for each meal. She just decided she does not like chicken and that is what we use a lot. She hates fish because dad liked fish. She detests shrimp and used to love them. Now they all have to be taken to her room on a tray because she wants it that way. So I try to make each tray pretty but it is never right,

Yesterday had me in one bad mood and that seldom happens..... We have a neighbor who is a single mom. She is a professor of journalism at James Madison University. She was a foreign correspondent all over the world before her son was born. I really enjoy her and so far she is my only friend here. So we help with her 10 year son son Conner. It is like having a grandchild. He sometimes gets off the bus here until she gets home like over exam time when her schedule was really crazy. Or like the last few weeks when she goes to interview vets for a huge article she is doing for a Washington magazine. Last week he spent the night. He is a very polite and good boy. He comes in and does his homework and that uses our old laptop.....he is easy to feed and just a delight..... mom hates I have a friend. Nancy comes for coffee some mornings and I love her stories of Bosnia and South America....Germany when she did a lot of research on the Nazi's and the Middle East. I
am just fascinated. We kept Conner last evening and when she got back about 7 she came to visit. We chatted for about an hour and half....laughed a lot because she was sharing food stories. When she left I went to check on mom and she told me she needed to pack her bags and let "that woman and that bot" move in. She does not want them here anymore. She was pure hateful and John came back to rescue me because he put the baby monitor on and heard her. He pointed out her friend stayed 3 hours this week when she came. That she said was different... ...so the rest of the night when I took her her pills, snack, helped her get dressed for bed she would remark she was surprised "she" was not here and that I had time for her. I was ticked but behaved. All I get done is waiting on her. She says its OK to just wet in her "pampers" and so I have to go and get the,,,,she wets on the bed and I change the sheets....we cannot leave her alone because she falls
backwards... ..so I am stuck.

Part of my frustration is our past......she has never liked one friend on mine ever.....she reminds me that she never wanted to adopt me all week and calls Ryan "that boy" too and always in a negative way....she has fits John has not gotten a job and if she knew how bad things are she would have a fit. I have to look for help......Now I know Lewies Bodies does make a person mean and I guess that is what is happening. Just pray I can deal with this....but I am almost over the edge.....

If you read this far than God bless......just pray for us.
Beside that I am so homesick for my kids and grand kids.....

Saturday, May 2, 2009

What a Day!

Really it started yesterday.....we were up about 3 hours....in fact I had just talked to Uncle Harolds and was coming down the stairs when she yelled....she was in a mess with Diarrhea. I helped her clean up because she had company coming at 11 and also the therapist. She was too washed out to do the exercises but the therapist saw the nurse needed to come and called and set that up. If I could have called Dan and Catherine (mom's friends) I would have asked them not to come....but mom did good with them. She has learned that if she keeps talking about the past folks will not see the dementia. She did not want much lunch. The nurse said her vitals were good.
The rest of the day was good but she could not sleep. The TV went off and on all night and I had to turn the monitor off because John and I could not sleep. I heard closet doors and finally when I came down she told me she had not slept all night.She was wild eyed. It sure reminded me of Nana after a night of "sun downers". She could not rest all morning and so we decided we needed to take her a ride....we went up the mountain and than to Harrisonburg to get my meds at Costco. She wanted Chick-fil-A. We ate in the car and came back home. John had a flat tire on the truck and so headed down to fill it....I relaxed and thud! I yelled mom and no answer. There she laid on the bathroom floor telling me she was fine. We had been told not to yank her up alone but get help and so I called John who raced back up the hill....we got her back to bed. She claims all that hurts is the tailbone. All of a sudden she yells again and we had a major mess to clean up. I cleaned her up and the diarrhea....the next time she made it to the bathroom and now again. I have just given her bedtime pills.

As I tucked her in she told me I was a good woman....she said "I never knew you were a good woman" than quiet and "I never knew how good your daddy was until he died". What does one say to that? I feel so sorry for her. I came out here and had a good cry. John reminded me how he loved me and he always knew I was a good woman....he than asked me why she never knew this. My gut says she looked for our faults and that kept her from seeing any good in us. That is sobering.

This needs to be a lesson to each of us to tell our husbands and wives and children how much we love them and point out their strengths.

I am concerned mom may get dehydrated again so tomorrow I will be on high alert. You all can be in prayer for her. Pray for understanding for me. She told me tonight I am kind...far kinder than she was to dad. I told her she was my mom but I saw the sadness in her eyes.

Mom was confused tonight really getting angry when I told her she had a bout of diarrhea yesterday. She did not remember at all. I told her she can ask the nurse and she could assure her I was not making it up....than she said, I know I am mixed up, I can remember years ago and last year but not day to day anymore. Again I saw that sadness. It breaks my heart.

So today was a bittersweet day.....I am glad she sees I have good in me but I feel such a loss she never really saw it before.