HUMOR IS WHAT WE NEEDED

Humor is what I got!

I have to admit I am used to seeing dogs tied up outside but not cats I do not care to see dogs chained up but this is over the top to me. I would have loved to take more pictures but John told me to hurry up he did not want to get shot.

This is how this happened... We were looking for a house that was to be rented. The ad said a bit out in the country...listen, it was way out there! The churches in this area had outhouses and the larger one had the rest rooms in a block building outside. The countryside was beautiful! The creek running bu the road was called "Naked Creek". The ice and snow was still at places and was so untouched by man. We were on the way in when I saw this....I giggled and than thought I did not see that. It must have been dogs and just one cat was on top of the box...I told John who was looking the other way and could tell he thought I slipped a cog! The house was way up the side of a mountain off a dirt road that was so scary to drive. We passed signs that were handmade that said things like "We shoot trespassers" or "Turn around here at own risk" or

"your life is in my hands if you trespass" . After these warnings I knew I did not want to live there. Let's just say the house was interesting on the outside. THE VIEW WAS GREAT.

But it looked like it would fall off the side of the mountain. So we headed down. As we came up on the "cat yard" I asked John to slow down. He did and I snapped this picture. These cats were on leashes and were sitting on their boxes or in their boxes. This would give PETA a real cause! These cats were what we called "barn cats" on the farm. Now let me say this....cats are not made to be tied up!

By the time I took the picture John was in stitches...he laughed so hard I thought he best pull off the road but than why? The road was not traveled much at all. When I downloaded it on my computer he had a fit again and thought maybe this person was potty training them..see the outhouse on the picture? Your guess is as good as mine!

We did not find a house but we had a fun afternoon and God knew we needed that!

ANOTHER CURVE HAS UP CONCERNED

Mom was waiting for me.
They have left the tray from breakfast and lunch on her table for me....She had not eaten ONE bite.She took 2 sips, if that, of one protein shake and non of the other. I had a fit!

They offered her soup, a sandwich and she said no.Than the doctor came in.....his eyes said it all. I am not sure where our Vit D levels are to be but he says he worries when it is 20 in a woman mom's age. Hers is 8. He says he has to give her mega dose each day for 10 days and than a dose once a week. How she can take that I do not know.

Than he was also upset she was not eating. I said I was upset at the weight loss of 13-14 pounds. He said no, before the flu she was down 16 pounds. Now it is more he is sure. So he is increasing the marijuana pill....so we will see.He took me in the hall and told me he is worried when he looks at the whole picture. The good thing is that she is trying in therapy and so they can keep her. The protein is not any better and not the iron either. She Has to eat!

I am feeling funny in my stomach now....I do not want this bug!

MOM IS DOING BETTER

I called the nurse today because the roads still had ice and it has been a long times since I drove on icy roads....she is much better and they had her up.

I plan to go soon.

Love,
Donna G

YESTERDAY and now the FLU

This picture is about how I feel! I am so torn between what needs to be done. As I sat in the car and saw this split I remembered God does have a sense of humor.... He knows how I feel before I can express it and sometimes He does put it in my path clearly.....

We met with 6 of the ladies that work with mom. I want to boil down the hour meeting to these few things.
The goal for all of us is to have her be able to dress herself. Maybe use the bathroom...at least walk to the bathroom with her walker with me present. To feed herself which is going fair. They are having her journal because she can get words down on paper when alone. Her memory loss seems to be with words and their meanings. She is confused by dressing herself (it takes 15 minutes to do the top alone). She cannot understand the other new things they introduce her to. They feel this will take 3-4 weeks. By that we need to have a house and John a job. This is a hard place to be. We have to pack up in LaGrange too.

Today we have snow and so John felt he needed to take me to the Wal-Mart for some shoes for mom. She cannot tie shoes at all. She also needed socks. We went to VMRC to give them to her.
She has something going on.... throwing up and diarrhea. So the nurse said to poke my head in and say hi. She than told me this adds some problems for mom. She cannot lose any more weight. I will here from the doctor tomorrow.

She also has been throwing up thick phlegm.... That scares me too. She said it is best if I call mom tonight but stay away. I agree as John also has a sore throat and aches all over.
This is indeed a roller coaster ride!

PRAY:
Mom recovers from this flu (?)

Mom tries harder. They say she just digs in her feet and stops. She tells them I will do all for so they need not train her. Ouch!

John feels better.

The interview for today was changed to Friday at 2:00. Maybe this will be a job!

I settle down inside. I feel like a person without a home.

PRAISE:
I LOVE THE SNOW!!!!

Update on Sat.

Yesterday was rough....

I went in about lunch hoping to get mom to eat. But that was not to be. She had about 1/5 piece of toast with strawberry jam and drank a few sips of broth for me. The rest was left alone.

I could tell she was really down and tried to joke a bit but that upset her and she blurted out….”Just let me die.” What does one say to that? I have tried all I now to try to give her a push into wanting to get well. So I knew it was time to talk with her about this. She says she just wants to be with daddy. She hates being in bed. She has no strong desire to even try to walk because it is not going very good for her and she knows the future will be with a walker or cane. That she will not accept she told me. She wanted to know how long it would take her to die if she does not eat…She reminded me no feeding tubes and
IV feedings. She cried and I cried. Do you all know God collects all our tears in a bottle?

I looked at the photograph album I made for her along with the cards and that did not spark a bit of interest. I sat about 2 hours with her and she wanted more meds and when they came I left. The nurse that has been the best with mom had tears in her eyes as I came out of the room. She just lost her husband after a stay at the rehab for 3 years fighting cancer. She hugged me and told me they have seen the look in moms’ eyes that says,” I am done”. It is there.

John too me a long drive….we ended up in Staunton.
http://www.visitstaunton.com/history.htm

We think we would lie to go back and explore this town…my love for history just makes me want to soak up all I can. We stopped in Verona to eat at a Mexican Restaurant. It sure was a clean and wonderful place to have a cozy meal. By 7 we were back at the home to see mom. She was sleeping soundly and I could not rouse her so I simply sat and prayed. As I kissed her and turned off the light she did awaken a bit and I told her I had written a note to her and she could see it in the morning.

I think it is fair to say I am mad at her but at the same time I understand. Part of this is selfish on my part. I do not want to lose my last parent now. Dad is only gone 6 months.
I feel so alone here. It is a hard thing to know you are the only child and you will bear this grief alone. John sure is here for me and he has been a real support to me. I long for friends and family to be here but I do not expect that at all. I dream of a cup of coffee or meal with a friend… anything to break the pain. Maybe that is not realistic.

I had a fair night of sleep but was aware all night this may not end up as I had hoped.
I wrestled with my emotions all night and know I can only do one day at a time. I know the Lord is with me through this. I understand that there are some issues I am dealing with.

***A huge life change this year. Dad died, John was given his pink slip, a move and now this. I feel like a person with “no place to call home.” This I do know…that where John is and I am than that is home. Stuff, belongings and a building do not make a home. I believe love does and so I can say that this extended care hotel is home.
Some have suggested because of all this maybe we are not in God’s will. Believe me we have prayed about this. Had John gotten a job and just started we may be faced with a harder situation. I take each step at a time. I try to learn from each step and pray I can bless someone now. I ask God what we need to do now. Often these days all I know is “Wait and rest in me” comes back to me when I speak to my Heavenly Father.

Yes, we have been without a job before…we have been without a home before but we have always waited and tried to hear from God. Could we have missed the mark? I am sure we could have but than when I take a piece of paper and make a test tube shape and fill in the timeline of the last 5 years I see God. Try it with your life. I do see weak areas and times I know my faith seemed iffy but fr the most I see lots of adventure.

I know that God knew it was time to take dad home to him. I know that did put me in a tailspin. But I also know God understand that. I was not always there for John and things happened. That is life!

John is at a crossroad. He longs to do more that maintenance. He is struggling knowing he can do much more. But what and how you change careers at 45 escapes him. The best I can do for him is to love him, support him and pray for the break he so longs for. I pray for a mentor to come to him that can help him now….

I have rambled far too long here.

PRAYER:
***Mom is at peace.
***Monday at 1:30 helps John and I see the whole picture.
***I accept what is to be.
***John finds someone to help him.
***We work as a team in all we do.

THANKS to Uncle Ben and Dia for giving me love and support when I needed that!

Gratitude Journal

I am thankful for:
Life
My second hot cup of coffee.
Friends and familt
My Anabaptist heritage.
************************
Several things have happened to me since dad’s death that have been exciting and in a sense I have been on a treasure hunt so to speak. Reading dad’s notes he saved when he gave talks at Mennonite Churches over the years really started this. I saw my dad stayed true to his Anabaptist beliefs but was also progressive at times. I decided it was time to really search the net for articles and chat with people about the Mennonites and Amish. I have been out of the Mennonite Community for well over 40 years. I love history and so decided to dig in so to speak. I will not get deep in this all but I will say I found out that my childhood and teens years did shape in me a strong core of beliefs.

I learned so much from my 3 Aunties as we called them, Fannie, Elizabeth and Emily.
They raised my dad and his brother. Going to their home was the same as going to Grandma’s house. They loved God above all and taught me to love my church. From
Aunt Emily I learned not to judge people.

Dad was a great example of both servant hood to all people and a great example that a daily walk with God meant time spent in the Bible first and the words of any author second. He would read a book and take out truths when they lined up with God’s Word.
He knew the Word and so he was never a man that neither was confused nor wish washy. He lived a balanced life. We worked with folks in Harrisburg, Pa. in Hamilton Street Mennonite Church, he worked MDS, and he shared what we had with those with less.
After my marriage he and mom went to Honduras and he treasured each minute of that service to the Mennonite Church. He than came back to the states and gave years to Lakewood Retreat…a Mennonite camp above Tampa. He believed in family camping as well as kids going to camp. He also has been active in Camp Hebron in Pa.

All involved taught me that peacemaking is a key to life…. we must ”live peaceable with all men”. My world has always been global for missionaries that served and came home for a time were always welcome at our house. I loved to hear them share! Mt grandma Shearer had a love for missionaries and read many a book to me about them. She sewed for the Children of missionaries and wrote letters to them. As a child I was a part of this process and I loved it. We rolled bandages for the lepers in Africa, made MCC bundles for various areas. This to me was so exciting!

Now here in Virginia I have found a treasure trove of history of the Anabaptists. There is a bookstore here called “Book Savers”. The books are cheap and I have found a treasure trove! I loved Christmas Carol Kauffman as a child and went to see if any were there. The only one was one I have never read called, “Dannie of Cedar Cliffs.”. It is the story of Dannie Roth and wow….am I learning! I am reading “Readings from Mennonite Writings New and Old” By J. Craig Haas. I think one written in 1524 is the oldest I have read so far. (Conrad Grebel). It is designed to read one a day for the year but I am reading and researching much more than that. (Bt the way it cost me 1.00)

I have read the story called “Honey Bread and Milk” by Joyce Gingerich “This account of Amos Gingerich and Nannie Yoder Gingerich gives an intimate glimpse into the lives of a family that followed God call during the rapid change in Mennonite and Amish communities.”—Franklin L. Yoder,
Adjunct Professor of History, University of Iowa.

On my stack is one called “Stories our Mothers Told” by Herb Swartz. It says it is about the “son on a immigrant mother, and the daughter of a missionary mother….I have the book called “Tobias of the Amish” by Ervin R. Stutzman.

I just finished “Quiet Shouts” By Louise Stoltzfus. “Stories of Lancaster Mennonite Women Leaders” I love that I knew 3 in the book. I read “ Eyes at the Window” By Evie Yoder Miller. It is based on fact but is a novel. The history in it was great and I looked a lot up.

I read “Valley of my Heart, A devastating war, a peaceful people and one family’s quest for truth” The notes and the Bibliography are a roadmap of books I am looking for.
I will close for now but I feel I am on a journey and I really am excited about this. I may be 60 but I love to learn and see I am drawn back to my roots! God is good

It is Lewy Body Dementia

Like I said that was not written in stone…that was ruled out but by doing so and some others input we do have a name for what is wrong with mom. I am thankful it was not what they said but in reality this is not much better…

Lewy Body Dementia
http://www.lbda.org/index.cfm

As we went over point by point here at the hotel in preparation for the time with the doctor today John and I saw a lot we had said “that is depression” or “that is just mom”.
But it was not either. Make no mistake…she is deeply depressed. They went as high as they could with an 86 year old to see if that touched the depression…it did not. That took him on a search for the cause. She is grieving and that is evident but the trained grief counselors said there was more that grief. She is not making progress with the therapy. And is barely able to take a few steps. So on Monday at 1:30 we will meet with all that are working with her. We will have to try to figure out what is best for her.

It is evident John and I will have to make a move to Virginia. The blow of another long move would be too much for her. But they all feel she has given up. Can we keep her with us. We hope so but if she cannot walk than that adds a problem. Also this type of dementia may be too hard for me to handle. She is moderate in the Dementia. We have to find a house. We have to find care. We have to have a job to do those things. So much is ahead of us and tonight I am tempted to throw in the towel. But you all know me and know I will not be doing this at all. I am worn out and weary.

My cousin Don has a son that has studied this and written papers. My plan is to contact him for some guidance as to the progression and hard facts. I feel God has given us a wonderful resource in Matthew. I read about him tonight and Don, I must say he is indeed a chip off the old block! You and Liz have done a great job.

Another thing I have to consider is John’s sleeping disorder and the need to have those hours every night. Can we do this?

I am kind of rambling here I know but I am honestly writing as I conside these things. This weekend we will chat about these things and seek the guidance from the Heavenly Father. I ask each of you to pray for us. Than I guess D-Day will be Monday in some ways.

I ask you all to give us advice if God leads you to. We want to know what friends and family see and what they suggest. John and I appreciate counsel. We will listen and do what seems the right thing.

Having taken care of a MIL with the “Big A” I know what a hard job it is. I did it than with no real knowledge of what was ahead and took it as it came. Now I know and there is dread in my heart. I feel guilty about that.

Her protein is still very low and she is not eating nor drinking. Her living will says no tube feeding and no IV’s to keep her alive. So that is an issue to deal with to… as well as another transfusion…. Dear me, there are a lot of decisions.
Maybe tomorrow I can think through all this better….

PRAY:
***For mom as we tried to kindly tell her some of the issues.
***For clear direction of what to do.
***For our minds to be open to what they tell us Monday.
***A job and home. This hotel is getting old and I need my stuff....

Praise for a kind doctor that loves the elderly. That has a mom with Lewy Body Dementia and so he is well aware of what I am up against.